dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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