The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
