sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
