escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
