alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
