Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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