You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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