Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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