i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
