oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We need to get me chipped asap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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