She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
