I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
