I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
