don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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