***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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