The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
