sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
