I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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