the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
