I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
