I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
