He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
