HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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