so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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