those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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