You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
