im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
