i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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