I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
