Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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