I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
