just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
