I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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