I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
