lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
