At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
