Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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