you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
