If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
