I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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