he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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