So drunk its hurt
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
