people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
