My first STD was from a foam party
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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