3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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