I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
