Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
