can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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