Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
