When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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