i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
